Why do Attachment Styles affect our relationships?

Experience with early caregivers forms a working model, or RELATIONSHIP SCHEMA that impacts later relationships.

Secure Working Model

• Others are dependable, trustworthy, and supportive (benefit of the doubt).
• I am worthy of other people’s support and love.

62% are SECURELY ATTACHED:

As a Child

• Mother as a safe base.
• Upset when she leaves.
• Go to her lovingly when she returns.

As an Adult

I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

Insecure Working Model

• Others are expected to be undependable, untrustworthy, and UN-supportive.
• I am unworthy of other people’s support and love.

23% are AVOIDANT:

As a Child

• Initially do not seek proximity to the mother.
• Very little distress upon separation.
• Avoid/ignore her when she returns.

As an Adult

I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, others want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

15% are RESISTANT (AMBIVALENT):

As a Child

• Preoccupied with mother (Clingy).
• Great distress when the mother leaves
• Simultaneously seek close contact but also hit and kick (punishment).

As an Adult

I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

HMMM? Something to think about.

Awareness provides fertile ground for Transformation!