acceptance
Two Paths
We have a choice of two paths in life, that of the victim or the higher path as the owner.
As we Think, Feel, and Act we can be aware and choose or unconscious and give up our power.
Take the path of ownership (the one on the left on this chart), and reach your Higher Purpose!
Inner Voice IV
Part IV of a series on Empowering Language Patterns:
Get rid of the word “TRY” in your vocabulary. “Try” pre-frames going through the motions. It gives us not only permission to fail but permission to exert efforts of far less than 100%.
Quit using the word CAN’T or add to the word can’t…“do it yet” which shifts it to the place of possibilities instead of no possibility. Ask yourself …What would happen if I could? What will happen when I do? This will shift the negative limiting belief as you visualize or imagine!
STAY AWAY FROM GENERALIZATIONS – they are all lies… “always” and “never” “hardly ever” are absolutes that only exist in our mind. Generalizations discount our belief in our personal possibilities. They also undercut our faith in humanity and the power to change and grow.
Remove the word “DON’T” from our speech patterns, because whatever happens next in the sentence comes across as a command to “do it” Example, “Don’t stop” “Don’t tell” “Don’t eat the cake” This is literally how our brain functions. Our brain dysfunctions in regular patterns. We fool our brain all the time and it fools us!
Examples of brain dysfunction:
- Negative hallucinations – (not seeing , hearing or feeling what is there) Honey, where are the keys. What did you do with the keys?
- Positive hallucinations – (seeing, hearing or feeling what is not real) imagine someone is talking about us…. imagine the boogie man under the bed.
- Time distortions – The three hours waiting in line at the bank was really 30 minutes, or the 5 hours at the wonderful party seemed like 30 minutes.
“The fact that we already fool ourselves, means we are capable of doing it in a positive way. We already have these skills, we just need to use them to our benefit.”
LETS LEARN TO HAVE OUR BRAIN SUPPORT OUR EFFORTS INSTEAD OF SABOTAGE THEM!
Inner Voice III
Part III of a series on Empowering Language Patterns:
Get rid of the word SHOULD.
Using statements like I should meditate…. solicit guilt, rebelliousness and maybe even shame…Thoughts like “Dammit why didn’t I, I was supposed to!!” soon follow. These shame and fear based thought patterns do not take you to a powerful place, but often undermine motivation and positive intentions/thinking.
Find another word that elicits better responses:
Wish – won’t motivate most people
I would like to – nope won’t bring urgency
I need to – not quite there to bring about action
I want to – getting closer to a commitment
I have to – to authoritarian for most (defensiveness and rebellion follow)
I must – sounds too desperate
I am going to – will work for some.. gives me a way out…
I will – a personal agreement is made…much closer to getting me to do it (I can visualize it and imagine myself doing it, and based on that feeling and imagery I actually may do it!)
Another powerful method is to take what you want to do and turn it into an action verb.
“I am meditating tomorrow morning at 7 AM”. This should cause you to imagine not only doing it but the positive feeling, results, and benefits of doing it.
Questions: Do I see myself doing it in a certain place? Is it a movie, a video or a still picture? If it is a still picture, then I want to find better wording! I am meditating tonight! Turns it into a video clip. You can play with words and get it into a vibrant, colorful movie which will flow ( a little short movie) – chances are that you are 10 times more likely to do it. An emotional/physical state of being shift actually occurs and you can see the benefits of what you will gain from that, and then make a decision or commitment to do it.. The more detail to your imagery and the deeper you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell the difference the more energy you will have in your motivation to take action.
We do this from the negative side too creating negative video tapes…but the more positive imagery tapes we make to offset the negative the more empowered we will be to take right actions!
Inner Voice II
Part II of a series on Empowering Language Patterns:
Get rid of the word “BUT”
But….used in the most common way, negates the positive that came before!! (Thank you for getting the groceries, but you forgot the milk.) It stops the brain then restarts the new statement leaving the prior portion of the message unheard – alone (in the dust)….the brain moves on to what follows the but. So, only use but to turn a negative into the positive (I know you wrecked the car but at least you did not get injured).
You can substitute the word “and” & “however” for but and it minimizes the damage caused by the negation (I went shopping at the health food store and on the way home I ate a Big Mac.). Think of how that sentence would feel with the word but instead of and. This helps us be more positive, resourceful and more motivated. An example would be (You did better on your grades this semester however there is room for improvement in math). You did “x” for me and you forgot “y” (keeps the sentence continuous and the full message unit stays intact. The word but turns it into a more negative message unit going to your subconscious since the part after but is what is encoded).
Speaking this way with ourselves is kinder and gentler and it lays the foundation to speak the same with others.
A way to even enhance this speech pattern change is using the sandwich effect. This is sandwiching any negative or paternal statement in between two positives (Positive/Negative(Correction)/Positive). It helps us abstain from the defensiveness and packages the negatives with a positive feeling. This pattern would go something like this (It was great I did Yoga this morning, however I need to do it several times a week. Since in the past I practiced Yoga on a daily basis with such great results that means I can do it again starting with that class today.).
Empowering language patterns for ourselves and others;-)
Change Your Inner Voice
Part I of a series on Empowering Language Patterns:
We need to look at ourselves more as the adult children we are and start paying attention to how we parent ourselves. The way we word our “inner voice” and the tone we use in this self talk will determine whether or not we listen to ourselves and do what we ask ourselves to do. Certain words build and add resources and others burn resources.
A lot of times we think through the “why” we do things or why we don’t do things … Stop using the word why !!!! When we ask ourselves why? It makes us feel like we are judging ourselves and you will usually feel defensive or rebellious….we revert to justification or excuse stories with ourselves!! It doesn’t empower us (it allows us to make excuses). Our brain like the computer it is, starts looking for answer’s the moment we pose a question. When we assign our brain to find information that it can’t, it continues to sort and look for data that it never truely will. Since “why” questions rarely have clear and concise answers our brain burns wasted energy and uses valuable resources looking for information that will never quite fulfill the need for certainty that our pondering’s wished for.
So get rid of the word “why?” Substitute the word “How” or the question “For what reason” instead – “How is it that you’re not getting up and working out in the morning?” How are you continuing to do this same destructive pattern. Be genuine with ourselves as we seek to understand the details….How are you doing or not doing something (verses defensiveness which is not resourceful) , it puts us in the offensiveness to discover the real underlying reasons.
For what reason is it that I stay in the bed and not get up? For what reason do I not meditate?, this will bring out or help you discover your true intent and “what stops you”. It takes skill to not do things. To change strategies we need to see our current ones clearly. As we master our “Inner Voice” our “Outer Voice” will follow.
Values & Virtues
Virtue based ethics can be interpreted many ways since there is such a variation of moral beliefs and various definitions of what is virtuous. For the most part virtue ethics has advantages since there is many universal virtues or much common ground when it comes to what is ethical. The biggest disadvantage is that there are differences among cultures, times in history, and even in between groups, organizations, tribes, and families in certain types of virtue based beliefs. I believe Kant’s duty-based theory overlaps and is very easily integrated with virtue ethics since most duties are virtue based. As I explore more about virtue based ethics and Kant’s theories in this blog I will expound on how these two belief systems could be merged.
It is pretty easy to explore virtue ethics from a deontological and a consequentialist viewpoint. Under deontology it is simple to see virtues as rules of what is right and wrong and that an individual has a duty to honor such virtues for personal peace and to serve a greater good. Through the viewpoint of consequentialism it also seems clear that the majority of results or consequences that are good or virtuous can only come through actions that are also virtuous, good, or right.
Based on Kant’s Doctrine of Virtue and his duty-based theory a person can only be truly happy and have their life flourish if they are living in accordance to their virtues and duty to honor and respect themselves and others. Where so many people have a commonality among their beliefs of what are acceptable or even expected norms as far as what are virtuous beliefs, intentions, and actions/behaviors it seems that the world would be far more peaceful if everyone lived up to this duty to honor self and others. This level of commitment to others would even go farther if everyone also honored the universe in a similar fashion. By universe I mean animals, nature, mother nature, the earth, places, things, cultures, etc., etc..
As stated above I believe Immanuel Kant’s duty-based theory fits hand in glove with virtue based ethics since the responsibility to honor or serve something greater than yourself comes as part of virtue or values based belief system. Both Plato and Aristotle spoke and taught of virtue based beliefs being a motivation for much of what a person thought, said, and did. So many Eastern based philosophies are based on doing what is good for self and others because it is the only way one can have peace and happiness. Many spiritual and religious beliefs are based on doing unto others as you would want done unto yourself. In most cultures common virtues such as generosity, loyalty, honesty, and courage are aspired to.
Approaching life with a goal to live a more virtue centered life may at times have the dilemma of potential ethnocentrism, where we judge others as we judge ourselves, wanting us all to fit perceived norms and expectations. It would seem one of the most important parts of virtue ethics and duty-based living is to value openness and forgiveness with ourselves and others and let go of those rigid expectations. We will never have the peace, joy, and love in our life we often seek if we cannot be satisfied enough to be happy, while still remaining unsatisfied enough to continue growth. Self-acceptance, and the acceptance of others “as they are” may be the highest virtue of all.
Balance Your Health 