Reclaiming Your Self: Building the Foundation for Optimal Mental and Emotional Health

By Kevin Brough MFT

When trauma touches our lives, it often feels as though we’ve lost something essential—a core part of who we truly are. We may find ourselves responding to life in ways that feel foreign, disconnected from the person we once knew ourselves to be. The journey toward healing isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about reclaiming the Self that has always been there, waiting patiently beneath the protective layers we’ve developed to survive.

As a therapist working with individuals navigating the aftermath of trauma, I’ve witnessed time and again the transformative power of understanding what mental and emotional health truly requires. This article explores a comprehensive framework for building that foundation—one that integrates practical daily structures (the 5 C’s of mental health) with a deeper understanding of your inherent, undamaged core Self (the 8 C’s and 5 P’s from Internal Family Systems therapy).

Understanding the Foundation: Two Frameworks, One Goal

Before we dive deeper, let me clarify something that might initially seem confusing: we’ll be discussing two different sets of “C’s” in this article. Think of them as complementary rather than competing. The first set—Connection, Compassion, Coping, Community, and Care—represents the external structures and daily practices that support mental health (Dialectical Behavior Therapy [DBT] Community, 2024). These are the actionable steps you can take today to build resilience and stability.

The second set comes from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and describes the qualities of your core Self—the undamaged, wise, compassionate center that exists within you regardless of what you’ve experienced (Schwartz, 2021). These include eight C-qualities (Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and Connectedness) and five P-qualities (Presence, Perspective, Patience, Persistence, and Playfulness). Rather than tasks to complete, these represent inherent capacities you already possess that trauma may have temporarily obscured.

Together, these frameworks offer both a roadmap for daily action and a vision of the Self you’re reclaiming.

The Trauma Paradox: When Protection Becomes Prison

Trauma fundamentally alters how we relate to ourselves and the world. When we experience overwhelming events, our psyche develops protective strategies—what IFS calls “parts”—that help us survive (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020). These parts may manifest as hypervigilance, emotional numbing, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or countless other patterns. While these responses served us when we needed them, they can eventually separate us from our core Self, creating a sense of living life at arm’s length from our own experience.

The beautiful paradox of healing is this: the Self you’re seeking to reclaim has never actually left. It’s been present all along, waiting for the conditions that allow it to emerge. By building external structures that create safety and stability (the first 5 C’s) while simultaneously recognizing and nurturing your inherent Self-qualities (the IFS C’s and P’s), you create the conditions for profound transformation.

The Daily Foundation: The 5 C’s of Mental Health Practice

Let’s begin with the practical framework that creates structure in your daily life. These five components work synergistically to build a foundation strong enough to support the deeper work of Self-reclamation.

Connection: Building Bridges to Others and Yourself

Connection forms the cornerstone of mental health, yet trauma often teaches us that relationships are dangerous or unpredictable. The first step in reclaiming your Self involves intentionally building and nurturing relationships that reflect your worth and humanity.

Daily practices for strengthening connection:

• Schedule regular, meaningful contact with at least one trusted person—even a brief text or phone call counts
• Practice vulnerable communication by sharing one authentic feeling or need each day
• Join a support group, therapy group, or community organization where shared experience creates natural bonds
• Notice and gently challenge the protective parts that tell you to isolate

When we connect authentically with others, we create mirrors that reflect back our inherent worthiness. These relationships become laboratories where we can practice expressing our true Self in increasingly safe contexts.

Compassion: The Antidote to Self-Criticism

Trauma survivors often develop harsh inner critics that replay messages of worthlessness, shame, or inadequacy. Compassion—particularly self-compassion—directly counters these internalized wounds by offering what researcher Kristin Neff calls “the three elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness” (Neff, 2003, p. 224).

Cultivating daily compassion:

• When you notice self-critical thoughts, pause and ask: “Would I speak this way to someone I love?”
• Develop a compassionate self-talk practice, perhaps placing a hand over your heart and speaking kindly to yourself
• Recognize that your struggles connect you to humanity rather than separate you from it
• Extend compassion outward to others, noticing how this practice naturally circles back to yourself

Compassion creates the internal environment where your core Self can safely emerge. When you stop attacking yourself for having been hurt, you create space for healing.

Coping: Tools for the Journey

Healthy coping strategies are the practical skills that help you navigate difficult emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Unlike the survival mechanisms that trauma installed, conscious coping practices work with your nervous system rather than against it.

Building your coping toolkit:

• Develop a personalized set of grounding techniques (deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, 5-4-3-2-1 sensory awareness)
• Create a “coping menu” with options for different emotional states—what helps when you’re anxious may differ from what helps when you’re numb
• Practice distress tolerance skills that help you ride emotional waves without destructive action
• Engage in regular activities that regulate your nervous system (exercise, creative expression, time in nature)

Effective coping isn’t about making difficult feelings disappear; it’s about developing the capacity to be with your experience while maintaining connection to your Self. Over time, you’ll notice that the C-qualities of your core Self (particularly Calm and Courage) become more accessible when you have reliable coping practices in place.

Community: Finding Your Tribe

Trauma often occurs in isolation and heals in community. Being part of something larger than yourself provides perspective, purpose, and the reminder that you’re not alone in your struggles. Community engagement combats the shame that thrives in secrecy and creates opportunities for meaningful contribution.

Engaging with community:

• Identify communities that align with your values or interests, whether local or online
• Start small—attend one event, join one online group, volunteer for a few hours
• Look for communities specifically designed for healing, such as trauma support groups or 12-step programs
• Remember that contributing to community is as healing as receiving support from it

In healthy community, you have the opportunity to discover and express aspects of your Self that may have been dormant. You might rediscover the Creativity, Playfulness, or Connectedness that trauma temporarily buried.

Care: Stewarding Your Whole Being

Care represents the commitment to actively tend to your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s the practice of treating yourself as someone worth investing in—a radical act for those whose trauma taught them otherwise.

Implementing comprehensive care:

• Establish non-negotiable self-care routines (adequate sleep, nourishing food, movement, rest)
• Seek professional support when needed, recognizing that therapy is a sign of wisdom, not weakness
• Create boundaries that protect your energy and well-being
• Regularly assess whether your daily choices align with your values and long-term flourishing

Care is where intention meets action. It’s the daily decision to honor your needs and prioritize your healing, even when parts of you protest or minimize your suffering.

The Core Self: Qualities You Already Possess

As you build these external structures through the daily 5 C’s, you simultaneously create conditions for your core Self to emerge more fully. Internal Family Systems therapy offers a profound truth: beneath your protective parts lies an undamaged Self characterized by specific qualities that don’t need to be learned or earned—they simply need to be accessed (Schwartz, 2021).

The 8 C-Qualities of Self

These qualities naturally arise when you’re Self-led rather than led by traumatized parts:

Curiosity replaces judgment, allowing you to approach your inner experience and outer world with openness. Instead of avoiding difficult emotions or experiences, you become genuinely interested in understanding them.

Compassion flows naturally from Self, offering warmth and kindness to all parts of your internal system and to others. This isn’t compassion you force yourself to feel—it emerges organically when you’re Self-led.

Calm provides the internal steadiness that allows you to face challenges without becoming overwhelmed. This isn’t the false calm of dissociation but rather a grounded, present equanimity.

Clarity cuts through the confusion that trauma creates, allowing you to see situations accurately and make decisions aligned with your truth. You recognize patterns without getting lost in them.

Courage enables you to face what you’ve avoided, to speak your truth, and to take risks in service of your healing and growth. This courage isn’t reckless—it’s grounded in Self-trust.

Confidence emerges as you recognize your inherent capacity to handle life’s challenges. This isn’t arrogance but rather a realistic acknowledgment of your resilience and capability.

Creativity allows fresh perspectives and novel solutions to emerge. You discover your ability to approach problems flexibly and express yourself authentically.

Connectedness reflects your natural capacity for healthy relationship—with yourself, others, and something larger than yourself. You recognize your place in the web of life.

The 5 P-Qualities of Self

These additional qualities further describe what emerges when you’re Self-led:

Presence means fully inhabiting the present moment rather than being pulled into past trauma or future anxiety. You’re here, now, available to your life as it unfolds.

Perspective allows you to hold the bigger picture without minimizing or catastrophizing. You can zoom out when needed, recognizing that difficult moments are part of a larger journey.

Patience replaces the urgency that trauma often instills. You trust the timing of your healing and development, understanding that growth can’t be rushed.

Persistence provides the endurance to continue showing up for yourself and your healing, even when progress feels slow or you encounter setbacks.

Playfulness reconnects you with joy, spontaneity, and lightness. It’s the antidote to the heaviness that trauma imposes, reminding you that life can include delight.

Integration: Reclaiming Your Self Through Daily Practice

The magic happens when these frameworks work together. As you engage the daily practices of Connection, Compassion, Coping, Community, and Care, you create the safety and stability that allows your core Self-qualities to emerge more consistently. Simultaneously, as you recognize and access your inherent C’s and P’s, you find yourself naturally drawn to practices that support mental health.

This isn’t a linear process. Some days, you’ll feel firmly rooted in Self, experiencing Calm, Clarity, and Compassion with ease. Other days, protective parts will take the lead, and you’ll need to rely more heavily on your external coping strategies. Both are part of the journey.

Your Commitment to Reclamation

Reclaiming your Self after trauma is both the simplest and most challenging work you’ll ever do. Simple because your Self is already there, complete and undamaged, requiring only the conditions to emerge. Challenging because creating those conditions means facing what you’ve survived and gradually releasing the protective patterns that once kept you safe but now keep you small.

I invite you to make this commitment to yourself:

I commit to building the daily structures (Connection, Compassion, Coping, Community, Care) that support my mental and emotional health. I commit to recognizing that beneath my trauma and protective strategies lies a core Self characterized by Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and Connectedness—along with Presence, Perspective, Patience, Persistence, and Playfulness. I commit to approaching my healing with patience and persistence, trusting that my true Self is not lost but merely waiting to be reclaimed. I commit to treating myself as someone worth investing in, worthy of the time and effort that healing requires.

Moving Forward: From Understanding to Ownership

Understanding these frameworks intellectually is valuable, but transformation requires moving from knowledge to embodied practice. Consider these steps as you begin:

1. Start where you are. You don’t need to implement everything at once. Choose one element from the daily 5 C’s to focus on this week. Perhaps you commit to reaching out to one person (Connection) or establishing one self-care routine (Care).
2. Practice Self-recognition. Several times each day, pause and notice which C- or P-quality is present. When you notice Curiosity arising, acknowledge it: “This is my Self showing up.” This simple recognition strengthens your relationship with your core Self.
3. Work with your parts. When you notice resistance, criticism, or protection, recognize these as parts trying to help. Rather than fighting them, approach them with curiosity: “What are you afraid will happen if you let my Self lead right now?”
4. Seek support. Consider working with a therapist trained in IFS or trauma-focused approaches who can guide you in accessing Self and healing the wounds that keep parts activated.
5. Celebrate small victories. Each moment of Self-leadership, each practice of one of the 5 C’s, each recognition of your inherent qualities—these are victories worth acknowledging.

The Vision: Your Optimal Future

Close your eyes for a moment and envision your life when you’re consistently Self-led, when the daily 5 C’s form your foundation. What does your life look like when Calm, Clarity, and Connectedness characterize your days? How do you show up in relationships when Compassion and Courage lead? What becomes possible when you approach challenges with Creativity and Perspective?

This vision isn’t fantasy—it’s your birthright. It’s the life that becomes available when you reclaim your Self from the protective patterns trauma installed. The person you’re becoming isn’t someone new; it’s who you’ve always been beneath the armor.

Your optimal future isn’t somewhere distant you must strive to reach. It’s revealed gradually, moment by moment, as you practice the 5 C’s and recognize the Self-qualities that have always been yours. You’re not building yourself from scratch; you’re excavating the treasure that was temporarily buried.

The journey of reclaiming your Self is both profound and practical, mystical and mundane. It requires daily commitment to structures that support mental health while simultaneously recognizing that beneath your wounds lies a core that trauma never touched. In this paradox lies your freedom: you have work to do, and you’re already whole. Both are true.

Welcome home to your Self. The journey begins—or continues—right now, in this moment, with this next breath, with this next conscious choice to honor who you truly are.

Kevin Brough – Ascend Counseling and Wellness, St. George, Utah – kevin@ascendcw.com

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References

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Community. (2024). What are the 5 C’s of mental health? 24/7 DCT. https://247dct.org/what-are-the-5-cs-of-mental-health/

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.

Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal Family Systems therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

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Kevin Brough is a therapist specializing in trauma recovery and treatment. He works with individuals seeking to reclaim their authentic selves and build sustainable foundations for mental and emotional health.